It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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