I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
