she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
