i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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