Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
