His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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