goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
