90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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