I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
