its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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