So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All the doctor said was why
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
