i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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