Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
