your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
