Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
