my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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