This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
