I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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