I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
