shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
