ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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