Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
