is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't think brook has ever known best
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
