Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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