it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
