there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
