What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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