The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
