I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."