You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome