the condom got lost in my hair
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy