You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.