i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"