I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.