Duck Duck Cougar?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dicks are not precious.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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