I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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