you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
