He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
