so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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