Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I didn't notice because vodka
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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