It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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