I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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