Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
