i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
