I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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