just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
