I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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