Plan B is the new Plan A
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
