you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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