You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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