Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
