i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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