ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
