who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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