how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
