Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
