Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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