Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
