It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
