remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize