She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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