The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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