i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
