I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
