Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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