im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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